


Chapter XIII

by rhicola



Series: See You In Hindsight [14]
Category: The Walking Dead
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2015-03-29
Packaged: 2018-03-20 04:07:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3636105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rhicola/pseuds/rhicola





	Chapter XIII

With Carol and T-Dog still missing from the alarm event, Maggie off with Daryl, Rick and Glenn on guard, the only people left to help Beth juggle a sick woman and crying newborn were Hershel and Carl.

And when it came to the diarrhea, Lori was not interested in the men helping. Beth took her down to the shower room, now that stuff was coming out of her from both ends, so she would be more comfortable. Carl accompanied them with the baby, but was strictly instructed to stay in the corner, so neither of her children could see Lori this way. Hershel came in to check on them every once in a while, but without the supplies he needed, he couldn’t be of much help.

The accomplishment of keeping Lori alive was slowly fading, as Beth knew without the fluids Maggie and Daryl were on a run for, she wouldn’t make it. And hell, she might not make it even if they did come back in time.

Lori was fading fast. Her demeanor was pale, almost translucent, and her skin was sticky with sweat. Beth kept a damp towel on Lori’s forehead to try and soothe her and lower the woman’s temperature. 

But the tension in the room was affecting Judith. She was crying constantly, and Beth tried to split her time between helping Carl calm the baby and holding Lori’s hair back for her. Carl didn’t say much in the shower room, but Beth could see the helplessness in his eyes, mirroring her own.

“Your mom will get better once we get those fluids,” Beth spoke in a calm comforting voice — or as much of one as she could summon amidst her exhaustion.

Carl just looked at her vacantly and nodded in response.

Beth felt like she hadn’t slept in weeks. And the idea of losing Lori, after celebrating (to herself) that she had been saved this time around, was almost too much to bear for the young woman as she held Lori’s baby in her arms. She prayed Lori would make it, even if it meant running herself ragged. She would rather do this for the rest of her life than feel Lori’s loss every time her baby cried.

She handed Judith back to her brother as Lori’s heaving stopped, and closed the distance between them quickly. Beth picked up the towel, still cool and damp from the last break Lori’s body gave her, and dabbed it against the Lori’s forehead.

“I can’t take this anymore, Beth,” Lori whined. “It has to stop eventually, right?”

Beth nodded, looking the woman squarely in the eye. “You’re going to be just fine, okay? Daryl and Maggie will be back soon with fluids for you and formula for Judith.”

Lori barely managed a smile. “Daryl’s always saving the day isn’t he?”

“Well,” Beth chuckled quietly, “he’s been known to ruin a few, too.”

Looking away, Lori’s smile faded. “Well, Rick has him beat on days ruined, I think.”

The blonde continued to gently pat Lori’s skin with the towel, “He loves you. He carries the weight of the world on his shoulders, and I think he uses that as an excuse not to make things right with you the way he should. But, he loves you, Lori. Know that.”

Tears formed in the woman’s eyes, and Beth could feel tears burning in her own. “I have this feeling I’m never going to see him again.”

“You’re going to be alright,” Beth responded, but every time she said it, she felt herself believing it less and less.

“I think I feel well enough to lie down for a minute.”

“Okay, but I want to keep you in here just in case.”

Lori nodded, and stood slowly. “Carl, will you bring your sister over here for a minute?”

As her son peeked around the corner, and walked toward the women, Lori laid down on the cool tile floor.

Carl handed off the baby to his mother, and sat down near her head. 

“I love you so much,” Lori cooed to the baby. “Mommy loves you very much.”

Judith just stared up at her mother, but she wasn’t crying anymore. The newborn made a gurgling sound and Lori smiled brightly.

“She’s smiling!”

Beth looked down at the baby, she wasn’t quite sure newborns could smile, but Judith did look happier in her mother’s arms than anywhere else.

Lori turned her attention to Carl, “I want you to be a good boy, okay?”

“Moooooom,” Carl whined. “I’m not a baby.”

“I know,” Lori smiled softly. “You’ve been through so much. You are going to beat this world, I know you will. You are smart, and you are strong, and you are so brave, and I love you.”

Carl suddenly realized the heaviness of the conversation and cradled his mother’s face with one of his hands. “Mom, you’re going to make it through this, okay? You’re going to be there for me and Judith.”

“I will, but I may not be here, here.”

Shaking his head, Carl angrily brushed away tears from his cheek.

Beth felt like she should give them privacy, but she also felt guilty, and that she should bare witness to these final words from mother to children.

“Carl, you gotta do what's right. It's so easy to do the wrong thing in this world. So, if it feels wrong don't do it, alright?” Lori was crying freely now. “If it feels easy don't do it, don't let this world spoil you. You're so good, my sweet boy. Best thing I ever did and I love you, I love you. My sweet, sweet, boy I love you.” 

“I love you too, Mom,” Carl’s voice cracked at the end, as if everyone in the room knew this would be the last time he spoke to her.

Lori smiled at her two children, and her face was split between an unbearable sadness and the pride of a mother. She handed the baby back to her son just in time, before spitting up on herself. Beth almost laughed at the contrast, but she knew that instinct was just to cover up the fact that she wanted to just lie down on her bunk and cry.

Carl walked the baby back to their spot on the corner, and Beth helped clean Lori up. Her arms were wrapped around the frail woman, and Beth had to support her head to keep it from lolling over. Both women could tell the end was near, and Beth felt her heart clench in her chest, praying for just a little bit more time.

“I told you, your secret was safe with me,” Lori whispered as her eyes closed one last time.

“Lori,” Beth cried, shaking the woman. “Lori!”

She looked at Carl, whose shoulders had drooped. “Go get my dad,” Beth said, and the boy and the baby were gone.

Beth was attempting CPR as her father entered the room. He was sullen, and rested his hand on his daughter’s shoulder. When she looked up at him, Hershel just shook his head. It was of no use.

Beth, who was still hovering over the woman, slumped over and sobbed. “I tried, Dad. I tried to save her. I needed to save her.”

Hershel helped Beth up and pulled her into his arms. “I know, baby. It’s okay. At least she got to know her baby for a little while.”

Her father continued trying to console her, but ended up just holding Beth tightly as she cried.

~*~*~*~

Beth was preparing dinner when Daryl and Maggie returned. She had a fussy Judith in a small box filled with blankets on the counter.

After she finished crying and helped her father move the body from a less central location, Hershel had gone off to explain to the others what had happened. Beth’s father told her later that Rick had stormed off and left Glenn on watch by himself. He’d asked her if she wanted help with dinner, but they both agreed he should find Carl and make sure the boy was handling things as best as could be expected.

Beth felt a strange mix of numbness and like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. While the outcome wasn’t what anyone wanted, at least there was no more guessing. Lori was dead, and Beth couldn’t save her anymore.

She was replaying the woman’s death over and over again in her head when Daryl walked in.

“What happened?” he asked, making his presence known.

Beth turned to him, and immediately closed the distance between them, falling into his arms. At that point, she didn’t quite care if he was comfortable with her yet or not, or if this one small act would scare him away. For once, she wasn’t even considering the various reactions Daryl could have to this sudden display of affection. She needed him.

“Lori,” Beth said into his chest, as she felt his arms wrap around her and tears well up in her eyes again. “She didn’t make it. Oh, Daryl, it was awful.”

Not much for words, the man just held her for a while. Judith’s cries were the only thing that pulled the two apart, finally.

Daryl picked up the supplies he’d dropped to hug Beth, and handed them over to her. He went to the box and picked the baby up, bringing a smile to his face instantly. “Hey, lil ass kicker. Are you hungry?”

Beth made quick work of the formula and looked to Daryl, holding the bottle out for him questioningly.

He nodded, and took it from her. He cooed at the baby as Judith slowly calmed down and began to take in the nutrients she so desperately needed.

“We should’ve been back sooner,” Daryl said, finally.

“No,” Beth replied firmly. “I don’t think it would’ve saved her.”

“It could’ve helped.”

“Just prolonged the inevitable,” Beth said, and she could feel her well of hope and rainbows and sunshine drying up. Saving her father’s legs could only do so much; she still didn’t know if T-Dog had survived this time around.

“We’re going to be okay,” Daryl said as Judith sipped at the last drops of formula. He handed the baby over to Beth to burp. “Do you need any help with this?”

“No, I’m fine,” Beth smiled as sweetly as she could. “You should take a load off,” she concluded, nodding at all of the gear and weapons strapped across his body.

He pressed a hand to her shoulder before nodding and leaving her to wrap up dinner. Though she wasn’t looking forward to seeing the solemn faces that would soon fill the cafeteria, which had once been a place of celebration.

~*~*~*~ 

Dinner that night was one like none other the group had during their months together. It was somber, the scraping of forks against plastic plates the only sound echoing throughout the dining hall. They suffered losses no one wanted to acknowledge over their meal, yet it was evident each loss was heavy in their hearts through the lack of conversation.

Daryl looked around the room as he scooped baked beans into his mouth hungrily. The run he and Maggie had done that day was for nothing. While they were successful in finding formula for Judith, who slept soundly in her box next to Carl, they hadn’t made it back in time to save her mother. The feeling of guilt was all that was on his mind as he took note of who all were missing from their seats. Lori and Rick didn’t sit on either side of Carl as he played with his food. T-Dog wasn’t on Daryl’s right like he always was, and Carol wasn’t across from him with a smile.

Beth, who normally sat with her father, her sister, and Glenn at another table, was sitting beside Daryl tonight, close enough for her elbow to bump his as she quietly speared her own beans. He had a feeling that she knew he needed some comfort, but understood she just didn’t want him to sit alone.

As the two cleared their plates, a soft buzz of a voice was heard from Glenn, Maggie, and Hershel’s table. Daryl looked up and found Maggie’s hand within her father’s as he spoke a quiet prayer; something that happened on a daily basis, only this time Beth wasn’t participating. Nudging Beth with his elbow, he tossed his head toward the table when she glanced up and received a silent shake of her head in response.

“You okay?” he whispered. Religion wasn’t his specialty, but he understood its importance in Beth’s life. She relied on her faith the way that he relied on the group—for support, for consolation.

She looked down at her hands and toyed with her bracelets as she exhaled slowly, as if willing herself to fight back tears. “I’m fine,” she finally muttered shakily. Before Daryl could call her bluff, though, she got up, collected their plates, and hurried off to start the dishes.

~*~*~*~

From experience, Daryl had learned when to give a woman space, and when it came to Beth’s bold lie she’d told during dinner, he knew not to push it. He also knew that she’d come around eventually. After all, the prison wasn’t big enough to hide from him forever and he had plans to track her down in the morning.

He had trouble sleeping that night. His mind wouldn’t shut off no matter what useless trick he tried. Even counting imaginary sheep wasn’t helping him drift off, so he rolled over, grabbed his flashlight and _Change of Heart_ , and sat up to read a little. Reading was a fool proof way to make him sleep.

Daryl had just started Lucius’s first chapter, which was coincidentally set in a prison, when his sheet shifted to the side and Maggie slipped inside his cell.

“Can’t sleep?” she asked, lifting the light of her own flashlight to Daryl’s face, which was tucked in a book—definitely something she never thought she’d see. “You alright?”

In reply, Daryl grunted a noise of confirmation and turned the page, not daring to look up at the woman. He knew he didn’t have a good poker face.

“That’s Beth’s favorite book.”

“So I’ve heard,” he smiled and nodded a few times, finally looking up and shifting his flashlight’s beam to illuminate Maggie’s face. She returned his smile and gestured toward his bunk before sitting down beside him. “We traded books.”

“Beth says you’re good with Judith,” Maggie commented and gave him a toothless smile, making the archer shrug his shoulders modestly. “You won’t burp her, though.”

“That ain’t my job,” he defended with a chuckle, and then sighed softly. “Your sister is…she’s good. Stepping up for Judith, helping with Lori today…she does more than she needs to.”

Maggie nodded enthusiastically and pressed her lips together, allowing a silence to creep into their conversation. After some time, she looked back up at Daryl and inhaled sharply. “Remember that little girl at the daycare center? In the pantry?”

“Yeah, that was fucked up,” he said, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes like he could possibly expel the image of it from his mind. It reminded him of Sophia, the way he felt when the girl staggered out of the barn; full of a life that wasn’t hers anymore.

“I wonder if anybody was looking for her,” she thought aloud, and then turned her head toward Daryl again. “You sure you’re okay?”

Once more, Daryl lifted his shoulders in a shrug and let out another sigh. “Gotta be.”


End file.
